I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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