a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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