We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
