Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
