shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
