We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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