why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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