I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
