I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
