i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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