I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
