Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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