is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
