When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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