Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
did i walk over a car last night?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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