On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
