i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
