I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
