Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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