He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
