Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
