Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
