If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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