I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
