i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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