did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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