I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize