So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
