I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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