I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
