We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
