I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
