Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
