I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
