It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
