Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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