you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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