Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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