What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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