he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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