We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
