yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
