For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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