The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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