Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
