If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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