was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
