so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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