SEEEEXXX PLEASE
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
