i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
