We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
