We're facebook friends in real life
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I skipped work to stalk him.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
