I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
