An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
