last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
