Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
