drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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