i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
