He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
