id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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