Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Your cock deserves a montage
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
