I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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