the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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