goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
