we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize