drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
