he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
