Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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