Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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