my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
