ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We just shotgunned beers for America
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
