You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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