You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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