Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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